I'm Taking Your Picture!

WTF: Soviet Russia Edition

I'm A Warrior ... Or Maybe A Pirate

Pole Dancing Greatness

Schwing. Fellows, what do we have to do to get this made into an Olympic sport?

Enstrom Destroyed

Facial fracture + missing teeth = Knocked The Fuck Out. Get well, Toby!

Tuts My Body

Love it.

My Neighbor's Trash

After 5 days, I angled this bag so that it would fall into Neighbor Douchebag's apartment and spill its decomposing contents all over the entryway. From the curses I heard Monday night, my mission was a success. That'll learn ya, Dirty monkey.

Overheard At The Grocery

Woman 1: That's really big. What do you put in there?
Woman 2: Butternut squash. I love butternuts.
Woman 1: Oh! That sounds filling.
Woman 2: Very filling. Sometimes I use a couple of zucchinis instead.

Relationship Redux

Recently, I've had a lot of time on my hands. And when I'm not engaging in my favorite pastime (masturbation), I've been having deep thoughts - usually while masturbating.

When emerging from a long relationship, it's normal to rebound out of control. But it's also nearly as normal to think about what it is that you want in your next partner. Typically these attributes are things that were either: a) really awesome with your ex, or b) totally fucking absent.

So, without further verbosity, here's my list:
1) Horny on demand
2) Wealthy
3) A good cook

Actually, there was a fourth that made it onto the list: no speaky engrish. But the more I thought about it, the language barrier probably introduced more problems than it solved. But I'm not totally convinced.

What Would You Do For A Klondyke Bar

Bitches.

Porno Guy

The moral of this story is: Don't buy Bud Light. Only bad things can happen. It's a slippery slope.

Sweatin' Like A Farm Animal

The laziest blogger returns with more insipid shit from the internets. Enjoy, mbitchez!